well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
