p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
