Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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