y did u give ur computer a hand job?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize