Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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