I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
