So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
