You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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