By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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