Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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