ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
