I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
