I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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