normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
