They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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