he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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