the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
