A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
