Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This show inspires me to have sex in space
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
