Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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