I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize