i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
