Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
