Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
