Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
