in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
