so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
