Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When did angry sex become our thing?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
