its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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