Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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