I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
