OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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