Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
