the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
