I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
