i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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