WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
