Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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