I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize