Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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