i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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