She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
