I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fuck appropriateness.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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