Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
