I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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