You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
