please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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