I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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