Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
