her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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