I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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