Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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