Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize