What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
