Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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