The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
