Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
