I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
