So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
