nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
