Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
