I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize