Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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