She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
