eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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