But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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