She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
