dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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