i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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