Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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