she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
