broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
