Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
