he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize