I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
