there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
