Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize