i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize