Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
