If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
