I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
