he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
