Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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