you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
