I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
