She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
