That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
