What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
