Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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