My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
