We're facebook friends in real life
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
