Pregnant stripper...not hot.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cannot find my penis.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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