Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
