You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
