just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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