im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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