I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
