i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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